The Child Mind BlogBrainstorm
A Desperate Mother Kills Her Son, Herself
Aug. 8, 2011 Beth Arky
The news that a respected Maryland psychiatrist last week killed her 13-year-old son, and herself, is doubly tragic. Police say Dr. Margaret F. Jensvold, 54, fatally shot her son, Benjamin Barnhard, before turning the gun on herself. Jensvold was reportedly distraught after her local school district denied tuition assistance for a private treatment program for Ben, who struggled with several issues. Some reports say he had been diagnosed with ADHD, obesity, and PANDAS, an OCD-like disorder, usually short-lived, that is caused by an autoimmune reaction to a strep infection. His father, divorced from his mother, told reporters that Ben was on the autism spectrum.Read More
Jensvold, described by all, including her ex-husband, as a doting mother, gave up her private practice to become a salaried psychiatrist for Kaiser Permanente, allowing her more time to manage her son's medical care and educational opportunities.
Ben's father said "bullying and harassment" in the public schools had led to his son's "tremendous" weight gain; in fact, the teen had recently lost more than 100 pounds after attending a special program featured on cable's Too Fat for 15. Barnhard said his ex-wife had told him on several occasions that the school system was failing to address Ben's needs and that he thought the stress over her son's future "played a significant role" in her desperate act. "She didn't want him to suffer."
We'll never know how Ben would have done in a public school setting, but we can testify that many parents encounter enormous obstacles while trying to obtain the services their children—and families—need. It's critical that we help them before they spiral into the kind of hopelessness that can lead to such a tragic ending.
College Sugar Babies
Aug. 4, 2011 Rachel Ehmke
We keep hearing about college girls acquiring sugar daddies. In case you haven't caught up with the trend, it seems there are several web sites designed to match up young girls with older, affluent men who are willing to help pay their bills—in exchange for services rendered, of course. And girls are taking the bait, with many citing the burden of tuition, student loans and a bad economy.
They're specifically targeting college students (or recent graduates)—one rewards girls who register with .edu email addresses by upgrading their accounts and stamping their profiles certified "college sugar baby." Another is called SeekingTuition.com.
The Huffington Post recently interviewed several college sugar babies in an eye-opening expose. From the interviews I was struck by the perplexing "I'm not a prostitute; I went to Sarah Lawrence" attitude that many of the girls shared. Maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised. Girls are taught from an early age to see their bodies as an asset that should be maximized (or augmented). The ideal girl is both smart and hot. Enter the college sugar baby industry, where sex work is practically wholesome—these johns are buying text books!
We've come a long way, but we're also losing ground—now our girls grow up knowing they can be Supreme Court justices, but in a pinch, their bodies are still where the money's at.Read More
Matt Damon on What Motivates Teachers
Aug. 3, 2011 Caroline Miller
Matt Damon was looking incredibly hot at the recent Save Our Schools rally, and not just because of the haircut. When an interviewer asked him a really annoying question about whether doing away with tenure would motivate teachers to teach better, he shot back an irresistible retort. In the YouTube video the reporter posits the idea that actors work hard because they need to get the next job, ergo teachers would work harder if they had less job security. If you have ever been grateful to a wonderful teacher (whether or not you believe in tenure) you should check out his response.Read More
A Tragedy Everyone Expected
Aug. 3, 2011 Rachel Ehmke
It was painful to read the story in the New York Times today about Pericles Clergeau, a mentally disturbed young man who murdered an employee at the homeless shelter he was staying in, only nine days after social worker Stephanie Moulton was also killed by a mentally ill man placed in her care.Read More
While Pericles was never given diagnosis, doctors speculated that he was traumatized by the violence he witnessed in Haiti, and in turn became violent himself. According to his father, Pericles was a disturbed and aggressive child already at the age of four. His life was marked by increasingly unmanageable outbursts, and so he was shuttled from agency to agency. The New York Times account is peppered with quotes like this one, from his father, saying, "I knew something like that would be happening one day."
Stories about seemingly unreachable people often leave us feeling helpless, even fatalistic. This is a mistake. One of the commenters on the Times story drives this point home. JCN writes: "This article speaks of an all too common tragedy and lives that are destroyed, but again there is no mention of how to provide someone with a meaningful chance at life. It only paints a frightening picture for similarly afflicted families and forces them into silence out of fear that the prison system is the only system that will prevail."
Our pervasive culture of keeping silent about mental health issues, and of shuffling away problems, is an injustice to more than just Pericles Clergeau and the worker who died trying to help him. Keeping silent also hurts the families who are trying desperately to prevent a tragedy like this from happening.
Which reminds us of the essay from the Motherlode blog we wrote about yesterday, in which the mother of a charming, affectionate young boy who is also becoming violent describes her desperate efforts to curb his terrifying outbursts before he, too, hurts someone. What she asks for, from the public, is not answers but openness. "Be willing to talk knowledgeably about mental illness. Unless we erase the taboo we will not be able to make real progress toward protecting my little boy and all those lives he may one day touch - with, I hope, unimaginable beauty and joy."
A Child's Illness, a Mother's Reality
Aug. 2, 2011 Caroline Miller
One thing I hear a lot from parents of children with serious psychiatric illnesses is that other parents don't have any idea what it's like. They're on the receiving end of a lot of criticism, and skepticism, about the decision to medicate a child, and it's often implied—if not stated outright—that disruptive behavior is the result of poor parenting.
A new guest post in the Motherlode blog offers an important dose of reality. It's a mother's account of a charming, delightful 4-year-old—"a sweet, kind, creative, engaging, cuddly little boy"—who intermittently turns into a radically different child who his mother is terrified will hurt someone terribly. This other child is "cold, fierce, frightening and frightened," and he can't be left around anything that could be used as a weapon. The family has tried everything from diets to anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers. "He continues to get worse. And better. And then much worse again, all over the course of the first five minutes he is awake in any given day."
When very young children are medicated it's often because they are violent—and if you don't think a 4-year-old can be dangerous, to himself or someone else, read this piece. A friend who has a child on the autism spectrum said the other day she'd like to get a therapy dog for him, but she thinks it might not be safe—for the dog.
Like many mothers I've met, this mom is literally working around the clock to help her child and save her family. What she needs is for others to recognize that this kind of thing happens to "nice people" and "nice children." The fact that this mother posted anonymously speaks to the stigma she feels in revealing her child's illness and her family's reality.Read More
What Even Extraordinary Teachers Can't Do
Aug. 1, 2011 Caroline Miller
A teacher named Ellie Herman has a riveting essay in the Los Angeles Times about the notion, which seems to be in vogue, that the only thing that's needed to make struggling schools better is extraordinary teachers—not smaller class size.Read More
She gives us a snapshot of some of the 31 kids in her classroom: "two with learning disabilities, one who just moved here from Mexico, one with serious behavior problems, 10 who flunked this class last year and are repeating, seven who test below grade level, three who show up halfway through class every day, one who almost never comes." She also mentions one who hasn't done any homework since she was assaulted at knifepoint, one who is sleeping, head on his desk, because he works the night shift at a factory, one who is quietly weeping, and "the brainiac who's so bored she's reading Lolita under her desk."
It's a heartbreaking picture, because packing all these kids in one classroom is setting up someone who might very well be an extraordinary teacher to fail, not to speak of setting up kids to fail, too. Good teachers are tuned into kids with psychiatric and learning disorders, and often play a critical role in getting them connected to help. But not if they're so overwhelmed they don't have time to pay real attention to their needs. As Herman puts it, "To teach each child in my classroom, I have to know each child in my classroom." Sacrificing kids like these, and teachers like these, is a very short-sighted way to close a budget gap.
Does Your Kid Read the News?
Aug. 1, 2011 Rachel Ehmke
From NPR's Monkey See blog we recently learned about several online news sites written specially for kids. With easier words and more kid-friendly content, the sites seem like a great resource. Take stories like "Should Dogs Wear Seat Belts?" (it comes with awesome pictures of dogs in harnesses) and "Holland's Commuter Slide"—they're a shoo-in for a younger audience, and the stories are also a great way to introduce important subjects and debates to kids.
Of course, even if a news organization is committed to avoiding ghoulish or sensationalist topics, extra care needs to be taken when talking to kids about news that isn't G-rated, such as the recent tragedy in Norway. Some kids' sites chose not to cover the story at all. Claudia Heitler of Here There Everywhere explained that she didn't think her own son needed to know about the tragedy, so she wasn't about to tell other children. In her words, the news site "is not meant to be comprehensive. It is meant to start conversations."
It's good to hear that parents have some allies in the newsroom.Read More
A Family's Uprooting and a Pleasant Surprise
July 29, 2011 Maria Xia
"Having a family means constructing an equation," writes Lisa Belkin on the New York Times' Motherlode blog. "Every choice, each conclusion, means shuffling all the factors, deciding how much weight to give to each." Parents of children with special needs are most aware of that balancing act, the child becoming the major player in each equation, the reason for a family's compromises and sacrifices. Right?Read More
Apparently, not always. In the guest post, Lydia Denworth surprises us with the story of her family's move to China, and what that meant for her first grade son, Alex. He is almost entirely deaf, and his family calls upon a vast network of caregivers to support him. Denworth herself stopped working for several years to focus on him, and the family gave up on quite a few dreams of how they might live.
So when Denworth's husband suggested moving to Hong Kong, she thought immediately of Alex. Will the schools have teachers for him? Can the kids stand the shock of relocation? But she was "floored" by Alex's response. When he heard the news, he exclaimed that they were the best parents ever. "I want to see the Great Wall. I want to learn Mandarin," he said. I'll even try some Chinese food."
This is an inspiring story of the resilience of children — even those we treat with special attention-and the ways in which parenting can be a forgiving as well as a demanding activity. All parents want more for their children, and for Denworth this was a reminder that all along their efforts were aimed at letting Alex "exist in as wide a world as possible." Sometimes it's prudent to step lightly when it comes to surprises, to err on the side of safety and routine. But occasionally—and happily—our children show how much they want to grow up, and surprise us with the gifts.
Doubt, Love, Medication, and Autism
July 27, 2011 Harry Kimball
NPR's On Being website draws our attention to a piece by the father of a boy with autism that's a must-read in light of all the debate about whether too many kids are being given psychotropic medications.
Paul Collins, who wrote the piece in 2006 for the New York Times magazine, describes his distracted, happy, harmless 5-year-old who suddenly flew out of control. "I retreated across the hall and snapped on the bathroom light," he writes. "Blood was flowing from my nose. Behind me Morgan thrashed on his bed, pounding and kicking the bedroom wall, screaming."
A fascinating and fascinated boy was becoming overwhelmed by rage. "Nothing in particular was setting him off," Collins continues. "Just being conscious enraged him. Just existing." So he and his wife reluctantly visited the doctor and returned with a prescription for an anti-depressant. Collins wasn't happy about it—as he puts it so eloquently, "medicine always has one unavoidable side effect: doubt"—but "after a week or two the familiar outlines of our son re-emerged from the depths."
"Really? You medicate your son?" Collins imagines the disbelief. And while the family's choice, he writes, "required no explanation to parents of disabled kids," he understands the "suspicion" that so often accompanies medication, particularly psychoactive medication. "But I don't have the luxury of distrust," Collins concludes. "I do not love that it came to this. I do not love drugs. I do not love the companies that sell them. But I love my son."
For a first-person account of the bravery parents exhibit when confronting disorders like autism, this piece can't be beat. Please give it a read.Read More
Cyberbully Debate Escalates to Real-Life (Fake) Hostage Situation
July 26, 2011 Harry Kimball
The internet prankster group 4chan—"trolls" if you like—is not known for the highest level of discourse. They are suspected (at least by Adrian Chen on Gawker) of being behind a very real prank targeted at cyberbullying advocate Parry Aftab. On Saturday, 30 police officers "surrounded Aftab's house after receiving a call from an unknown man claiming that he had killed four people at the home and had another hostage," writes Chen. "Police shot tear gas through the window, but when they entered found only Aftab's cat at home." Classy.
So what is 4chan's problem with Aftab? A 4chan-related site calls her a "threat" because she wants "to restrict the very tool that we use to fight oppressive governments" to ensure that "kids don't get called names on the internet."
It's way beyond the purview of this space to wonder what effect internet security measures would have on, say, the Arab Spring, or free speech in China. But we can point out that cyberbullying can go far beyond name-calling and have disastrous consequences which we are seeing with alarming frequency. You would think that 4chan, which may have organized what could easily have turned into a bloodbath, would get that. But then, these are people who accept blame for nothing and just say, "What? It's the internet." Until it isn't.Read More